May 2026 Meeting Notes

May 2026 Meeting Notes

On Tuesday, May 5th, 16 of us gathered for our May meeting.  Since we had to reschedule our guest facilitator, we had no specific topic this month so just let the conversation be guided by those in attendance.  

During our intro circle, a few concerns were brought up and following intros we returned to each of them for further discussion. 

One dad spoke on how his personal history with grief began as a child and continued into adulthood with the recent death of his son.  His method of dealing with grief had been to ignore it.     With the sudden death of his son, that unaddressed grief flared up, complicating his current trauma.  A grief counselor I spoke with years ago said he likens untended grief to be as money stashed away in the bank.  It doesn’t disappear, rather it “earns” interest and grows larger.  Some grief experts refer to it as a form of complicated grief.    Fortunately, this dad recognized what was happening and in his own way began to address his emotions.  His experience is one shared by many- whether a conscious decision or not, perhaps circumstances that don’t allow time to grieve until a situation resolves, such as with court cases or grandparents suddenly becoming caregivers for their grandkids when the parent/s die.  Two of our members shared similar stories. 

And all that led to one of our frequent topics- how people grieve, even the loss of the same person, so differently.  We hear, time after time, how family members respond so differently following the death of another family member.  One dad shared how his daughter came to him, concerned that her brothers were not grieving as they showed no outward signs.  Of course, they were grieving but not in the same manner as she- some of us cry nonstop- some of us shed no tears.  Some of us express our grief in anger, others exhibit a sense of peace.  Dads are frequently advised they need to be strong for the family; teens are often told they need to be strong for their parents.  After years, decades of conversations with bereaved family members, I think we have seen that being honest with our emotions helps other family members feel comfortable being honest with their own. 

Along those lines, we were joined by a young adult sibling, so we spoke a bit about how our society does not adequately address the children left behind.  Their grief is unique on many levels and add to that the well-meaning (perhaps) advice that they need to be strong for their parents and you have a generation of people whose grief- if left unattended- will return with a vengeance some day in the future.  We hope to let this group know that we see them and respect their grief and hopefully we can be a safe place for them to express their feelings and get support.

Some of our newer members shared how, in addition to their fresh grief, the fear they now have regarding their other family members is overwhelming.   Those of us further down the road were all nodding in understanding as we felt/feel the same way.  It is easy to think that bad things only happen to other people……until it happens once to you and then you no longer have that luxury.  We now KNOW that bad things can happen to our families and it can, at times, become a paralyzing fear.  It gets better with time but is a bit always there.

I’m not sure how this came up- not a new topic for our group but one we haven’t spoken about in a while.   Wanting to die.  We’ve heard it expressed in many different ways- more commonly immediately after getting the news…”I just wanted to die.”  It’s a statement you dare not say in front of just anyone, but a completely normal feeling.  Although it can, at times, indicate a problem in need of more professional assistance, it usually is more of a shock and fear reaction.   Being able to talk about it, at least in my experience, helps to move past it.  As always, please do not hesitate to seek professional help, in addition to us, should you seriously consider suicide.  It is not a sign of weakness, just a sign of being normal, having a normal reaction to a completely abnormal experience.  You are not alone!

Two dads (not related) shared ways in which they honor their child.  A common theme we have seen with grieving parents is the worry that their child will be forgotten.  These dads shared details about scholarships their families created in their child’s names.  Ironically, their families both created these programs designed to honor students who exemplify the best qualities of their own sons.  In the past other families shared similar programs, some scholastic, some related to the arts or sports.  There are as many ways to honor our loved ones as there are people and whether the smallest or most grandiose- serve the same lovely purpose.

I think we talked a bit about ways in which we ground ourselves.  Learning about the mind/body connection, as we have done with Stacy Sims and our grief yoga experiences definitely helps give us some power over our bodies and minds.  One couple shared how being out in nature helps them and they hike and camp as much as possible.  (and, no, I am still not going camping, no matter the cute names you come up with!  ). For some, it is music.  For others, it is exercise.  Whatever works!

It was hard to wrap up as the conversation was so wonderful.  Oh- and in addition to the snacks brought by Ed and I, Spring Grove added some beautiful cupcakes! 

Plans are being made for our May dinner – if you have some favorites, please let us know.  We did talk about Mad Mike’s- it is a hike for some of us but so worth it.  Any other thoughts?

Take care!!!

Karen